What do you do with the mad that you feel?

Ugh I am super angry about my blog for reasons I don’t feel like I can talk about. This space turned into mostly birthday posts, which I loved writing until one of them went traumatically badly. And then I got super avoidant about something I was previously excited by. So I’m trying to reclaim the space a little, even though looking at the design or thinking about the title makes me feel like I am going to throw up.

Okay weird, but just writing that I am angry made me feel a lot better.

creative commons photo by mirsasha

creative commons photo by mirsasha

5 thoughts on “What do you do with the mad that you feel?

  1. My birthday post made me super happy! For all that may be worth.

    I think there’s a lot of value to articulating your feelings, whatever they may be. I know a lot of women who have a brutally difficult time articulating the “bad” feelings, where “bad” feelings are pretty much all anger-related feelings. We’ve been taught that it’s our job to be pleasant, positive, upbeat, whatever, and that we’re not supposed to take up too much emotional space or challenge people or, well, be angry.

    This makes me pretty angry.

    So good for you for talking about the feelings, even if you can’t talk about their triggers. They’re your feelings, and you can be angry if that’s how you feel. It’s your blog, and you can write angry, if that’s what you feel.

  2. I write down the mad that I feel, with detailed descriptions of the person or thing or incident that evoked my anger, and then I save it and file it and never ever show it to anyone unless there’s like a legal action. Spelling it all out gets it out of my system. Then I go do something physical, like walk the dog or put Zumba on the Xbox. But the most effective remedy for Niger is to do something constructive, which is what you just did: faced the difficult situation, and reclaimed your space. You win! Let the rest go.

  3. 1. Enemy mad: confrontation and crushing my enemies intellectually. This obviously only feels good if I have a chance of winning (thank you halifaxlocals). Otherwise, plotting my revenge (which 99.9% chance will never be taken).

    2. Friend mad: communication with, clearing the air. This only works if I trust the other person – if we have a genuine friendship. Otherwise…

    3. Frenemy mad: leave behind people who make me angry who I don’t trust to communicate with me adult-to-adult. If people continuously make me angry, I either have to adjust my expectations of them or limit my exposure to them (because obviously their behaviour is not going to change regardless of what I do, thank you Al Anon). I usually take the avoidance route because I treat myself well (avoid stressors) and think I usually have reasonable expectations.

    4. Internet mad: in a space like this that is yours, I think reclaiming and talking about it is amazing! Also, obviously you’re no stranger to moderation. The most awesome part of moderating is, clearly, banning someone who comes in and takes a big crap all over your internet space, also then being able to vindictively have one last clever word once they’re banned (thanks again locals). Truly the pinnacle of the otherwise very meagre rewards of the job and a source of satisfaction and joy. Especially since no one has a right to come in and make your blog their soapbox — it’s not censorship when they can easily get their own soapbox. They have no right to take advantage of your readership. It’s yours! And unlike our recent experiences moderating, it really IS 100% yours, and you get to set the rules. But of course that means defining rules, even if the only definition is in the enforcement of them.

    • PS Sorry, I feel like that last part minimized the river of #$%@ that a lot of women have to wade through just to exist on the internet. Obviously moderating or having comments isn’t fun and games at all and it can be crushing, burdensome, hateful, personal and scary. And I think it’s worsened because we are trained to feel guilty for not being ‘nice’ to someone, even on the internet. And everyone on the internet seems to have been trained to be as shouty and mean as possible. My personal response to this conundrum is to crush the feelings of guilt and embrace the power instead, as much as I am capable of that anyway.

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