I don’t want two

Canadian National sleeping car - 1937
Canadian National sleeping car – 1937

Here are two things that I don’t want to do right now!


Why I don’t want to: Because it means stopping doing things? Even if those things aren’t really that big of a deal (like, I can watch more Big Love tomorrow, right?), I am having a tough time making myself pull away from them and elect to go to sleep. I’ve been sleeping alone more lately, because I wanted to stay at my new apartment for the bulk of August, to make sure my cats don’t have any bed-peeing-on reactions to the move. Jairus has stayed here with me lots, and Chris is here about once a week, but of course has the both have their own cats and homes to attend to. Anyway long story short (I always hear this in Hedwig’s voice) is that I am way better at being responsible for someone else’s bedtime than my own.

Why I will feel better if I do: Oh probably just because when I am well-rested, my entire perspective on the world changes. And also when I am able to do things that I find really challenging, it’s super soothing.

What might help: Using the plug by my bed for my white noise machine, rather than my cell phone. This does two things: Gets my phone out of my bed, for christ sake, and gets my noise machine near it. Right now the noise machine is plugged in at an outlet that requires me to get OUT of bed to turn it on, which is daft.


Why I don’t want to: I don’t really know what I am doing with this new blog. I felt like I wanted a bigger audience than I have here at LJ … for some reason … but also I don’t know what kind of posts to write there because I can’t decide if it is for sort of column-style pieces or just “let’s get caught up on everyone’s news” sort of things.

Why I will feel better if I do: Because I actually want to build an audience so I can have a positive impact on the discourse and all that.

What might help: Maybe if I post this list of two things that I don’t want to do, it will help me shake off the feeling that my next blog post (and every blog post) has to be revelatory in some way. Okay I did it.

What are two things YOU don’t want to do today?

3 thoughts on “I don’t want two”

  1. 1. I don’t want to kill the rodent that’s made himself at home chez moi for the past few months. But I know I must. Could go buy a live trap, I guess? He’s gotten just a bit too comfortable here, and surely there are more where he came from.
    2. I don’t ever want to sleep, either (afflicted with insomnia since I was a wee lass, reading with a flashlight under the covers!). Except at least when I’m asleep, I don’t hear the rodent.

    Congrats on your new blog – I’ll join your audience!

  2. I love this piece and I love this blog . And u!

    I don’t want to go to sleep either, cause I’ve had a shitty day and now I feel like I need to or ‘should’ ( cause I deserve to?) have some super indulgent fun like ….watching shit online for hours,to make up for or balance out the shitty day?

    I don’t want to take care of my grandma anymore because seeing her suffer feels like hands Inside of my gut, twisting. That sounds pretty dramatic , but really it does this tightening pressure pain in my belly.
    And I don’t want to believe that I don’t want to take care of her, because I can’t handle watching her suffer, cause clearly its really not about me right now

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